If you’ve ever felt like you take care of others more than you take care of your own happiness, it’s time to stop and make yourself a priority.
Have you ever struggled with trying to put yourself first when you feel like others need you more than you need yourself?
I definitely have.
There are days when I have a lot to do for my blog, but because someone asks me to run an errand for them, or take care of their kids, I give in out of a sense of obligation and whatever underlying reason I think there is.
Well, it was something I had to wrangle with and put a stop to for the sake of my business and for the sake of my mental health, my finances, and my own home.
It can be hard to put yourself first (and there are days when it’s still really difficult), but you have to do it in order to keep yourself sane.
But before we get started let’s ask ourselves a question:
Table of Adventures
How to Determine Your Priorities?
On any given day your priorities can change. But on most days, your priorities may stay stagnant.
That could range from going to the gym at 7 AM every morning to walking your dog around noon and hanging out at the dog park. Whatever your priority in life you need to have a running mental list of things that are non-negotiables for you so you don’t get walked over when you say no.
And that’s honestly going to be the hardest part: saying no. But you’ll have to say it in order to keep yourself happy.
“There’s nothing selfish in putting yourself first. It’s necessary.”
— Unknown
I personally do a few things:
- I plan the week ahead by sitting down on Sunday and allocating time to do all of my important things. I own a Happy Planner and it’s the only planner on earth that I have found that makes me happy to plan. It worked well for me in college and it’s working for me even better with this blog and all the craziness that goes along with owning it.
- I write out my goals for the month. It helps to keep me on track and allows me to notice things that I didn’t notice before that is really integral for me to learn, see, and do. I learned this trick from Angie Bellemare over on YouTube (I love her).
- I write down my values and my dreams. If something conflicts with those I find it easier to say no (but not always, I’ll admit), but it is a great gauge when you feel like someone’s “favor” is going over those values or getting in the way of completing steps towards your dream.
There are multiple ways to determine your priorities, however, these for me are the most pressing when it comes down to making myself the center when I really need to. If it’s getting in my way I take a look at my piling list of things to do for me and I can walk away.
How to Focus On Yourself
You’re probably thinking, “I want to make something of myself” or “How do I keep myself happy?”
It’s a simple, yet difficult thing, but it’s all about focusing on yourself, your dreams, and the goals that will get you there.
I found that there are a few things I need to do in order to focus on myself, so I’ll take you through them one by one. 🙂
- Taking care of your basic needs.
This feels like a no-brainer right? Except … have you ever had those days where you’re so ready to get into something that you completely trample over getting adequate sleep for the sake of finishing a task?
Or how about not taking that shower because taking 20-30 minutes out of your day to get clean eats into studying for an exam?
It’s OK – I’ve been there, and it’s OK to acknowledge that you have, too.
You need to prioritize your basic needs. Whether it’s your diet, personal hygiene, getting in physical exercise, or adequate sleep – your body, and mental health are important.
So when someone asks you to do something that requires you to forego doing any of these, and they’re important for you to get a handle on your day, allow yourself to say no thank you.
- Stop being a “Yes Man.”
There’s nothing worse than letting someone walk all over you. You’re not a rug or a doormat.
Stop letting yourself be one.
Say no.
If you feel like you can’t, practice saying the word in front of the mirror and learn how to be comfortable with the word. Come up with synonyms or phrases to help you find easier ways to say it if you have to.
By allowing yourself to say yes all the time you are not giving yourself the freedom you deserve to a) live your life and b) walk away from things that do not serve you.
I truly believe that there is a period in our lives where saying yes can be freeing, but I don’t think saying yes to running into a burning building is one of them.
“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
— Penny Reid
- Through reflection.
I truly believe it’s important to ask ourselves questions that give us time to self-reflect.
You know the kind:
“Is this were the last day of my life, is this something I would be doing today?”
“Am I taking anything for granted?”
“When were you the most creative? What made you feel that way? Why haven’t you done it again?”
“Where do I want to be in a year’s time? Five? Ten!?”
It’s here when I reflect on the things that I want that I see how I can still be there for the people in my life that are important to me. By reframing what I want and need from myself I am capable of seeing where the pieces fit in my life to be there for others.
However, if I don’t reflect on the past, and think about the future, I only set myself up for disaster. But by reflecting I am more than able to better focus on myself and it helps me to figure out the things that interest me, which brings me to point 4.
- Read/listen to things that interest you (or you want to improve).
By reading and listening to the things that interest me I become a better version of myself. If I am dying to listen to crime stories I have stories I am able to tell others at a dull party where a friend is swamped trying to host.
By improving upon skills that I have (i.e., video editing, SEO, etc) I am not only pouring into myself but I am able to help my partner redesign and reorganize his company’s website (true story)!
Simply giving myself the time to learn something new I am able to help others who don’t have the knowledge that I have acquired, giving us another excuse to focus on ourselves.
This one can feel a little vain, but it’s not, just like the next point isn’t either.
If there’s something I learned being a camp counselor many moons ago it’s that you can’t pour from an empty cup, you must first fill your own.
- Take days out of your schedule for you and stick to them.
It is beyond imperative that you take time out for yourself, and only yourself, and stick to those days.
You need time to decompress from everything and everyone around you. You need to fill your own cup in order to be there for others. There’s no way that running on fumes is going to help you or anyone else.
So, mark a day off on your weekly calendar to take time out for you, and no matter what don’t budge. Your boss calls you on your day off wanting you to work? Too bad. You’re not scheduled.
You have things to do that are meant to serve you.
As a parent I know that this may be hard (so I’ve heard), so do what you can here. Even if it’s a couple of hours that you can afford to be away from your children – try your hardest. You are deserving of being alone and recuperating.
- Journal.
If in the end, something doesn’t work, try journaling.
It can be as easy as keeping notes in a small notepad, doing a voice note, or by full-out journaling.
By expressing how you’re feeling at any given time it will help you with self-reflection later on down the line. You’ll get glimpses into your thought processes later on when you’re trying to figure out what makes you happy so you’re able to improve on them.
The nice thing is that you don’t have to spend a lot of time doing this and it’s something you can do with someone else so you feel connected in a tangible way.
Conclusion to Making Yourself a Priority
No matter what it’s important that you look at your goals, dreams, and own needs and find simple ways to elevate them before others’ needs. If there’s one thing you take away from this, it’s filling yourself up first before trying to fill up someone else’s cup!
You can’t do it if it’s empty.
Related Self Care Articles:
Your 30 Day Self Love Challenge: Be Kind to Yourself
60+ Unique & Thoughtful Ways to Self Care