Everyone struggles with self doubt no matter where they are in life; here’s how to stop doubting yourself in five ways.
Sometimes when I’m experiencing doubt and hesitation about what to write for you guys on this blog, I think about Sylvia Plath. Plath once said, “The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt.”
Plath was enormously talented, far more than me, and even she struggled with feelings that her writing was subpar and many others do as well.
If you’re like me and you get hit by anxiety, this probably isn’t going to be the most confidence-inspiring comment in the world, but it really should be.
Almost everyone struggles with confidence and doubt when it comes to their creative pursuits. Even renowned authors, comedians, and poets. So first off, remember that the fact that you doubt yourself isn’t evidence that your work isn’t gold.
In my case, my writing anxiety can get very severe. Like… stunningly severe.
My thoughts get muddy, my palms sweat, the whole nine and a half yards. Even before writing this particular post, my anxiety was creeping up on me. How meta is that?
The trouble with anxiety is that, your brain, which knows exactly what you’re self-conscious about, is so good at coming up with reasons for you to stop creating. (Ever felt like you’ve undergone imposter syndrome when you’re trying to start something? Yeah.)
It probably dates back to some old survival mechanism.
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For me, I don’t have a million followers yet, why would anyone want to listen to some faceless person on the internet when they could listen to an established spokesperson for confidence and achievement? Then my brain just conveniently ignores the fact that those people were once anonymous and faceless too.
Or, here’s a good one I always catch my anxiety trying to trap me with, since I am still working on my goals, wouldn’t everyone be better served by someone who has already achieved them? Aren’t I a fraud for trying to talk about things I also struggle with?
I should just quit blogging now…
Self-doubt is a trap. It kills your creativity and it can lead you into a spiral of depression.
But anxiety is wrong. (I don’t mean you’re wrong for having anxiety, I mean those anxiety thoughts… they’re mistaken assumptions.)
Just as a singular example… why wouldn’t someone want to hear advice from someone who is struggling with the same issues as them? I have experiences all my own, and I relay them to you, my readers, and you all can find whatever value in them you will.
The fact that you wonderful people are reading my blog should be enough to realize that people want to hear what I have to say.
There are plenty of voices out there too. If you want to check out a woman who has conquered and achieved, and who is looking back at how she did it, you can find one.
I’m for the people who want to follow along as I figure out how to do the same.
Table of Adventures
1 // Why Self Doubt is The Enemy
As someone who struggles with self-doubt, fear, and the overall feeling of inadequacy, immensely, I can confidently say that it breeds anxiety, low self-esteem, mood swings, and depression in another sense of the word.
So when I say that consistent self-doubt is the enemy, I really mean it.
Strangely enough, this is something that so many of us don’t realize. A lot of what we place on our shoulders comes from within us, therefore, the real battle is overcoming our inner thoughts, struggles, and the ways we put ourselves down.
But I can’t stress this enough: eliminating self-doubt is easier said than done most days, especially with the advent of social media.
I honestly would know.
Over ten years ago, when YouTube was popular but wasn’t really giving out the big dollars that it does now, I wanted to get into the YouTube game. However, I had no real passion, no direction, and didn’t think my dreams of showing me mastering a skill would ever be something that people would want to watch.
Fast forward to roughly 2017 and a guy named Mike Boyd is doing exactly that and has an audience. That could have been me. But instead, I sat around, wallowed in my own self-pity, and believed that there was no audience out there for me.
But there was.
That’s how crippling and defeating your own doubt can do.
To say that when I look at how successful Mike is and not feel anger, shame, disappointment (the list goes on) would be me lying to you. Please don’t be like me.
Run after your dreams.
2 // Let Go of Your Inner Criticism
This can be harder said than done (and I know that all too well). However, the longer you allow something to take hold of you mentally, the longer you will be chained to the idea that you aren’t good enough to do what you set out to accomplish (whatever that may be).
For example, when I started working on lemonade + adventure I actually bought my domain in July 2020 to start posting in August 2020, but I was so terrified and full of fear and this deafening self-doubt that I didn’t start until November 2020.
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The only reason why I started? My friend started a podcast out of the blue and he said something so profound to me.
“Yeah, I’m scared, but if I don’t start from somewhere I’ll never get to where I want to be.”
It’s so simple and yet it’s something that we allow to hold power over us because we’re too scared.
By letting go, you are giving your mind the space it needs to get to terms with what you are trying to succeed in. Once I started this blog, my anxiety was still high. But as the months went by my thoughts started to quell and my confidence rose.
I want that same thing for you.
I have a friend who desperately wanted to start a YouTube channel but didn’t think they’d ever make it. They started with 10 subscribers and while they aren’t seeing massive droves of subscriber numbers, they are however seeing subscriber growth by being consistent and relevant in their niche.
You have to believe that you can succeed in what you are trying to do and your mind will make the adjustments needed to make it happen. Period.
3 // Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Having Self Doubt
It’s not enough to let go at times though when you have crippling self-doubt. It is, however, how you treat yourself that will make a world of difference.
When you constantly berate yourself for having self-doubt it can create a whirlwind of anxiety and discontent within yourself. Plus there will be that sense of inadequacy and by feeding into your self-doubt you create a larger chasm that will need to be filled.
Sometimes before you let go, you have to tell yourself that the way you will continue to doubt yourself is a way for you to analyze your actions and to create new pathways to creating the success you desire. However, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be crippled over it forever.
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You can’t allow self-doubt to take over your life, your dreams, and your goals.
You’ll get nowhere doing that.
4 // Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
And if beating yourself up isn’t enough, comparing yourself to others isn’t going to help either.
So stop doing that, too. You are enough, being envious of what someone else has and that you want shouldn’t be the first thing you think about in the morning and it definitely shouldn’t be the last thing you think of either.
By comparing yourself, incessantly, to others, you are creating a hyper-idealized version of what you want to be, and when it doesn’t happen, you may spiral into onsets of depression and inadequacy.
Instead, write down what you see in others that you’d like to see in yourself and start working toward it.
I’ll give a few examples:
- Problem: You’re upset over your weight and keep seeing women who are in better shape than you. Solution: Start from square one and start taking a walk every day then slowly incorporate weight lifting and running into your routine. Keep at it, fix your routine and your eating habits, and over time you will lose the pounds and become more svelte.
- Problem: Someone is a better dresser than you, but you’re on a shoestring budget. Solution: Experiment with what is currently in your closet, take advice on how to curate a better closet from others who have been in your situation (on YouTube, Tik Tok), and over time your closet will shift from what you don’t like to what you do. Plus, you’ll have learned fashion tips and tricks.
- Problem: There are bloggers who are making $20,000 a month and you’re frustrated that that hasn’t happened to you yet. Solution: Come up with monthly goals, learn from other bloggers who have been in your position, tweak what works and become better at writing quality content and speaking to your audience.
A lot of what happens when you compare yourself to others is that you see in them what you feel like you’ll never see in yourself. That’s where the self-doubt really starts to brew and bubble and it’s the perfect opportunity to analyze your thought patterns and to fix them before they get out of control.
By taking a step back and taking a walk, watching some TV, or reading, you’re stopping to take a deep breath and get yourself out of that negative mindstate.
Consistently watching out for the negativity is what will give you the opportunity to reframe your mind into positive thoughts and remind yourself that by comparing yourself you’re only feeding into the cycle again.
Break it. It’s dumb anyway.
5 // Prepare Yourself and Do Your Best
While all the above tips are all well and good, sometimes it’s better to prepare yourself and do your best before that sinking feeling starts to creep back in. You may start thinking, “I don’t want to do anything” or maybe out of the blue you feel self-defeated.
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If you were to think about your positive qualities and what you bring into the scenario you can look back on them and actively think positively when your mind starts turning to negative thoughts.
Some easy ways to do that:
- Spend time writing a list of the 5 greatest things about you. Read it every morning and every time you hear that little voice in your head telling you that you can’t do what you’ve set out to do.
- Set reasonable goals. By keeping your goals realistic and within a specific timeframe you’ll have a better chance of realizing your dreams and goals.
- Become a busy person. By sitting around and doing nothing, you allow distractions to creep into your life and break down the progress you may have done. By being busy you may find it easier to push away those thoughts of self-doubt to the far corners of your mind as you’re actively pursuing the things you want to do.
- Be proud of yourself! Whatever you succeed in doing, praise yourself. If you want to open an online printables shop, if the first thing you accomplish is coming up with a name – pat yourself on the back. Every day is a chance to revel in your success and to show yourself that you are capable one step at a time.
It’s important that you remember that overcoming your self doubt isn’t a one-and-done scenario. It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of positive reframing of your mind and what you are actual able to do.
It’s what I’ve had to do when it comes to lemonade + adventure. From where I started – scared and afraid no one would ever read the words I wrote – to finding new things to be grateful for (and having had learned) is such an exhilarating thing to go through.
My self doubt has nothin’ on me now.
And believe it or not but my mental health has never been better since starting something that had scared the absolute pants off of me. I’m just sayin’.
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